Pondering This Moment…

Have you ever had one of those moments where you think life is just about to turn the corner into greatness, only to find yourself questioning your very existence?   Life is very complex and there are so many complictated entities that happen throughout a persons journey.  And somehow we manage to keep going, surviving each day, waiting for the moment where everything starts to change, slowly hoping that next week, next month, next year will be the defining essence of our life.  When it doesn’t happen what happens to us?  Do we evolve into re-defining ourselves or do we let the moment take over and begin to control who we are.  Grief has been presented before me in a way I thought would never exist.  My heart has been left with a hole that will never mend and the moments of my life are being re-defined daily.  Who am I now, a woman, that lives in isolated silence pondering why my life has suddenly stopped and yet it keeps going all at the same time.  Do I push forward or retreat is the question I continually ask myself each day, and if I push forward how does that look, where does it begin?  Oh, the longing to see beyond what is currently in front of me.  To know that my pain had meaning, a purpose far greater than my human brain can grasp and yet to keep my pain close so as not to forget.  This part of the journey wasn’t planned, but it is mine to embrace and have courage to do so.

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