So today I write this in honor of a 10 month old little boy who passed away this morning. Oh, the grief that this momma will embark on is unimaginable, unexplainable, unfathomable and incomprehensible. The tragedy that has struck her soul is far deeper than anyone can explain in human words. The depth of pain is real and yet goes without saying that tomorrow the world will still turn and everyone around her will begin walking in a fresh new day, but her!
My heart feels ever so deeply for the mothers everywhere who have lost a little person, a soul that was attached to their bodies at one point, their hearts already joined as one and the intense love that was formed the moment she knew she had life conceived in her. With the depth of grief my own heart still wanders through, some days are still a reminder that I had life and then death pass in what feels like the same moment. These babies, our soul connections, were given to us whether it be minutes, hours, days, or years and the memory will never fade. There will be forever a whole in our hearts that will not heal, nor fade, but as times swirls around us, time is the only thing we can hold onto. Time is what we had with our precious babies, whether we touched with our hands the realness of who they were or whether we held our hands up to heaven with a mystery yet to be revealed to us, it was time. My heart will never know how to be completely whole and yet I want nothing more than to leave everything I feel inside unchanged. My subconscious somehow knows that touching those feelings will lose a piece of the mystery that makes that life ever so real. Grief is powerful and without it, we as mothers who have experienced loss, know just how helpless we can be. Grief and love go hand in hand now, these two emotions are joined forever in our souls, and no one can reason, explain or remove them. I am learning to embrace these two emotions and let myself feel the realness of each. As difficult as each emotion is both are necessary to define who I am now and yet there are days when both feel nearly impossible and out of reach. There is beauty for ashes deep within each one of us. May we embark on this journey together embracing each mother we find that has had the depths of grief touch her soul. NO judgement between us, just pure, deep affection that flows from who we are because now we have joined a silent majority. A group that exists everywhere, on every continent, in every corner of the world and has almost touched every woman on this planet earth. We were never asked if we wanted to be a part of this ‘unprecedented family’, yet we are now joined with millions around the world, who know without words ever being exchanged, the emotional cry from the depth of who we are or once were.
Let these ‘little beings’ who briefly touched our souls teach us something. Let their short lived lives redefine who we are as a woman, creating in us a space that says to the world their life was not in vein. Let us share with those that will really listen, how our grief has molded us, shaped the very essence of our soul, convicted us to discover what really matters, and place within us a feeling to never let this little one be nothing but REAL. For they were once real to us and for that there is no other explanation needed!
May you know that for however your grief has come to you, it has come for a reason, to mark you as special. Now, you have this great significance to you that defines your life, and sharing it with the rest of those that embrace the world of motherhood is how one survives. We are now mothers that carry an ‘angel’ with us wherever we journey. There will not be a moment that our heart does not remind us you were ‘real’ once and for that I am grateful!
I pray you sense the depth of peace that comes only out of knowing your ‘little one’ will be a sacred space in your heart, that only you can touch and bring alive when you need to.
From one grieving mothers heart to yours!
A few resources:
Earth Momma Healing Hearts Comfort Kit